


strung out

by shuuuliet



Series: it's hard to love somebody (especially when they don't belong to you) [1]
Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: 3x08: Gus Walks into a Bank, 4x12: A Very Juliet Episode, F/M, Jealous Shawn, Shules, also shawn doesn't want to lie to jules, but shawn also realizes how important it is to him to see juliet be happy, even if he's not the one that makes her happy, in which shawn is sneaky and gus obviously does what he's told, in which shawn realizes that letting juliet be happy might actually be the hardest thing ever, ooh also a young shawn flashback, pining shawn but mostly determined shawn, which...like...buddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuuuliet/pseuds/shuuuliet
Summary: A year ago, Shawn told Juliet a truth so inconvenient that it feels like a lie. Now it's up to him to prove he meant what he said, especially now that the stakes are even higher. Tag to 4x12: "A Very Juliet Episode", with strong mentions of 3x08: "Gus Walks into a Bank".
Relationships: Henry Spencer & Shawn Spencer, Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Series: it's hard to love somebody (especially when they don't belong to you) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952488
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	strung out

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from “Strung Out” (1984) by Steve Perry, which is prominently featured in the beginning of “A Very Juliet Episode”.
> 
> As usual, I own nothing and no one.

**_It’s hard to love somebody, especially when they don’t belong to you._ **

_1987_

“Shawn, get in here!” Henry let the kitchen door bang against the wall as he entered the house. He was used to Shawn’s antics, but what was this scheme even _about_?

Shawn dragged his body up from the couch. “Yeah?” he asked innocently.

“Didn’t you have your scout campout tonight?”

Shawn shifted nervously from one foot to the other. “Tonight?” He asked, his voice coming out higher than usual. “Isn’t that next weekend, Dad?” Gaining courage, his voice lowered back to normal. “Honestly, Dad, you’re not _that_ old. It’s probably not good that you’re getting so forgetful. Maybe you should see a doctor.”

Henry’s stern face didn’t falter. “Shawn.”

Shawn sighed. “Okay, it _might_ be tonight, but—.”

“So, what are you doing here, Shawn? Or is earning that badge just not that important to you?”

Shawn didn’t say anything. For once, he had no answer prepared. But Henry wasn’t finished.

“Unless it’s not about the badge at all?”

Shawn shrugged, going with the lie Henry had offered him earlier. “It’s just one badge. It’s not that important. It’s not like all of us have to earn the _same_ badges.”

“Interesting,” said Henry. “Because last night, I saw your mother ironing _this_ new badge onto your sash.” He pulled Shawn’s scout sash out from behind him, holding it out to Shawn, his finger jabbing a badge with a picture of a tent under a starry sky stitched into it, the words “Troop 1473 Campout 1987” floating overhead. “Care to explain?”

“It was…um, an advance payment? Like I’d get for my allowance?” Shawn said hopefully, his eyes widening.

“Shawn, we would never _give you_ an advance on your allowance.” Henry sighed, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you go to the campout?”

“I hate camping,” Shawn groaned. “You sleep on the ground, there’s no TV, and you end up eating fish the whole time, which, for the record, you already make me do here anyway, so I practically already _earned_ the badge.”

“Did Gus go?” Henry asked.

Shawn didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Shawn, did Gus go?”

“Well, he likes the stars on the campout badge.” Shawn explained softly, hanging his head.

Henry sighed. “Shawn, you can’t have people pay you in advance for work you have no intention of doing. That’s called fraud, and if you take that far enough, it’s a felony.”

“All I did was skip a stupid campout!” Shawn protested, looking up defiantly.

Henry shook his head. “Look, Shawn, you can’t just _say_ you’re going to do something. You _have to actually do it_. Haven’t you ever heard the expression, ‘actions speak louder than words’?”

Shawn shrugged. “But they don’t, Dad. That expression doesn’t make any sense.”

“Look, Shawn, right now it may not make a lot of sense, and I know you used your words to talk your way out of this one—you managed to fool your troop leader into giving you the same number of badges as Gus. But let me ask you something, Shawn. Has Gus ever skipped out on a scout activity?”

Shawn sighed, “No.”

“Has Gus ever made a promise to you that he didn’t keep?”

“No,” Shawn said, hanging his head again.

“That’s right. Because Gus knows that actions matter. It’s about follow-through. The thing is, Shawn, sooner or later, words may not be enough. And if you don’t back up what you say with your actions, people are going to stop believing you when it matters.”

**~~~**

_2010_

It’s not like it was a promise or anything, Shawn thinks desperately. But that’s not fair. And even in his head, he knows he’s just trying to make himself feel better. His words had meant something. _He_ had meant it.

It’s just that it would be so much easier if he hadn’t.

 _I just want you to be happy_ , he’d said, then, _so if you think this guy can make you happy, or even if you’re not sure, and there’s just a tiny part of you that thinks that there might be a chance for that, I think you owe it to yourself to go for it_.

He remembers the moment he’d decided to tell her to take a chance, to try and find the person that was going to make her happy. He’d watched her as she’d jumped out of the van, running after Lassie to try and rescue Phil Stubbins’ wife from her kidnappers. He’d always been impressed by the way Juliet kept up with everything, even in heels—okay, he was impressed by the heels _in general_ , but this wasn’t the time for that—and he’d thought about the way she’d run towards him earlier as he got into the van with Lassie, blowing Luntz off to follow his hunch. He thought about the way she’d trusted him, believed in him, even though they’d been bickering all day. He looked at her as she raced into position at the house, and he’d just thought— _God, she is everything. She deserves everything._

And maybe he—having done nothing to earn her unwavering support, with all the lying he did—wasn’t going to be the one that gave her everything she deserved. He wanted to be. But what if he wasn’t? She still deserved everything. He still wanted—no, needed—to see her be happy.

And so he’d snuck around the side of the house, following her, and he’d told her to give herself a chance to be happy.

Man, those words had hurt coming out, but they weren’t a lie. He _did_ want her to be happy, even if he might not like how it happened, and he may not actually be psychic, but it was looking more and more like he _wouldn’t_ like it.

The situation had been different, then—even Shawn had to admit that Scott Seaver was lightyears ahead of Cameron Luntz in terms of…well, tolerability, for one thing. Lack of old-man boobies, for another. But he also looked at Jules like she was something special, like she was more than just a pretty face, which of course, she was. She was _so much more_.

Luntz had never looked at her like that, so at least there was that. She deserved that.

Shawn just wished he wasn’t going to have to _help_ her be happy with someone else.

The thing is, he’d already messed up pretty bad this week, in terms of living up to that not-promise-promise he’d made to Juliet back when she was with Luntz. He hadn’t _meant_ to, of course; when he’d told Jules that Scott was dead, he’d a) genuinely believed it, and b) had no idea how much Scott Seaver actually meant to her.

But now Scott wasn’t dead, after all, and now he’d seen Juliet’s broken heart when she’d thought he was, and now he has to do everything in his power to fix it. _I just want you to be happy_.

Still, Shawn can’t believe he’s doing this. Not only is Juliet’s former boyfriend alive, but he’s taking him to her? It’s not like he had much choice in the matter—Jules had been devastated when she’d learned of Seaver’s “death”, and he would never allow her to go on feeling that way—but still, he can’t believe he’s doing this.

That’s kind of how he knows it’s the right thing to do.

It’s just that it doesn’t totally _feel_ like the right thing, not when he sees Jules’ face light up as she sees Scott appear in the station. It doesn’t feel right when she runs up to him, throws her arms around him, kisses him.

Yes, he wants her to be happy—he wants so much for her to be happy—but he can’t deny that there’s a very significant part of him, as he watches her kiss him, that feels like Juliet’s precious glass Dumbo figurine…that is, if said figurine had been drop-kicked off a high-rise and shattered into a million pieces in the street.

But Juliet looks elated, and she _deserves_ that, especially with the emotional roller-coaster he’s taken her on this week, so he bites back the bits of him that are breaking, tries to tell himself _Jules is happy_ over and over again.

“There is no bad news.” He tells her, when she finally breaks apart from Scott—how long were they kissing, anyway? An hour?—and remembers Shawn is there. He tries to believe it. _Look at her. She is happy, and your actions gave this to her. There is no bad news, there is no bad news._

The repetition helps, for a minute or two. It calms him, at least, distracting him somehow.

And then they’re in the chief’s office and Juliet is looking up at Scott with shining eyes, her hand in his, and repeating “there is no bad news” in his head feels as ludicrous as trying to tell himself that Judd Nelson never had great hair, or that Phineas and Ferb don’t know what they’re going to do today.

Scott’s stroking her hair, pushing her bangs behind her ear now—Shawn’s always wanted to do that—and Shawn can’t stop watching them, trying to remind himself that this is what he wants for Jules, while his brain screams in protest, _uh, if there is no bad news, then what the hell is this_?

“My life is here now,” Scott says, turning to Juliet, her hand still in his, and Shawn has to look away. If Jules is that important to Scott—his life, he’s calling her, essentially—that can only be a good thing, right? For someone to love her like she deserves? _So why does it hurt so much?_

“I vote he goes back into protection,” Shawn volunteers, the words slipping out before he can stop them, and he doesn’t look at Juliet, knowing he’s betraying his promise to her. But his brain, for once, can’t catch up to what’s happening. It’s one thing to tell himself that letting Juliet be with Scott is a good thing; it’s entirely another to believe it. But Scott continues to protest, and then no one’s happy, Lassie and the chief glaring at Shawn as Agent Wayne follows Scott out the door. _Man, promises are overrated, aren’t they?_

Shawn manages to double down on his promise to Juliet overnight, though, especially when Lassie calls him, telling him there was a suspect lurking around Juliet’s apartment. If Scott is in danger, so is Jules, and Shawn could never stand for that, no matter how much he wishes he’d never heard the name Scott Seaver.

And besides, if something were to happen to Scott, Jules would be devastated, and the memory of the way she’d looked when he’d first inadvertently told her Scott was dead sobers him up immediately. No matter how much it hurts to see Juliet be happy with Scott, it is much, much worse to see her broken like that.

The next thing he knows, he’s trying to prove Waring’s innocence, trying to set Scott free for good, and every time he stops to think about how _crazy_ that is, the memory of Juliet’s hurt face before she knew Scott was alive pops back into his mind, anchoring him, keeping him on this path that still feels like he’s betraying himself. _This_ , he tells himself a hundred times, _this is so much better than seeing Jules hurt like that._

And then the whole thing is unraveling, coming together, it’s Agent Wayne—it’s Agent Wayne?!—and Shawn is following him, desperately trying to save Scott, not just for Scott’s sake but for Jules as well, _I just want you to be happy, I just want you to be happy, I just want you to be happy_.

He has to start proving that.

He keeps thinking about Juliet the whole time he’s fighting Agent Wayne (well, okay, except for his kip-up, but _come on_ , how come there was no one around but a murderer to witness _that_?!), keeping her face in his mind. _This is for Jules. You have to save Scott for Jules. She deserves to be happy._

In the end, it’s Scott that saves him too, which makes him feel extra guilty for wishing Scott would go back into protection, for wishing him away from Jules. Shawn tries to remind himself that Scott saved his life as he watches Juliet immediately run to Scott upon arriving at the scene, Scott’s hand reaching down to gently touch her cheek. _This is her future. At least Scott’s going to really love her._ It only half-works, as usual, trying to make this all seem okay in his head. But apparently there’s going to be plenty of time for him to get used to the idea, even though all he can feel as he watches Juliet look at Scott is a dull ache that has nothing to do with the brawl he just had with Wayne.

There isn’t time now, though, to do much more than look at Juliet before she walks away with Scott. There’s certainly not enough time for Shawn to talk to her, if he even knew what he’d say, so he just watches her, hoping she understands.

Perhaps she can feel his eyes on her, because she suddenly looks back at him, her steady blue eyes meeting his, and he can see that she does understand.

_I just want you to be happy._

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you so so much for reading! I would really love to hear any thoughts or feedback you have! I’m working on another piece that’s also related to this episode now (the next work in this series) so I hope to have that out soon! Happy October!


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